Wednesday, January 10, 2018

My Mental Health Is No So Good Once Again...

              It's not like I didn't take my meds for my Persuasive Development Disorder (PDD) or also known as autism but today wasn't a great day and my friends ensured me none of this was my fault. But I feel responsible for my actions towards knocking the chair over and dropping my Contiago cup which is medal to the floor spilling the rest of my drink onto the floor making a mess, then grabbing my jacket and walking out the door with me kicking it further on the floor then knocking over the wet floor sign, out the door, then proceeding to kick the garbage can and spill the rest of my drink on the ground from the bottle then the rest of the day is history. 

               Now, I haven't had a mental breakdown this bad since April of last year and it is very concerning to me to when my moods gets this bad but I wonder if it is because of my lack of sleep in the last several days is what could be the culprit behind it as you all know I have been busy with the website recently, podcasts and the blog, I am not surprised I can hold in all this stress in for this long. Only a few people know what is going on with me with the lack of sleep problem but not everyone knew what was going on, only 2 friends if I remember knew about it. Now I ended up scratching my poor hand open and it's the first time since July of last year this has happened which is a good thing, I am not making it a habit of me doing that constantly to myself, so I am learning to not do harm to myself but I need to continue on with sticking to my strategies I have learned in the past year and a half almost now and keeping up with it. Now I walked away, however I could of gone without kicking my cup on the floor or knocking the wet floor sign or kicking the garbage can and things could of been better. But also I could of gone without hurting myself. However with me just deciding to go home, that was a smart move on my part and should of left sooner then sticking around, this could of been prevented but I of course listened to my friends advice and I always appreciate my friends sticking up for me or being supportive of me. 

                 There is a long road to my mental health getting better and I think without friends that turn on me on a dime or wants to cause problems ,I was in a much happier place till today happened. With my current circle of friends and my family supporting me, I know I can not self harm myself, I know I can control my anger and frustrations if people try to start trouble, I gotta just work harder and use my strategies and I know I will be a happier person and always smiling like I have in the past few weeks.

Have a great night!


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