Showing posts with label Autism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Autism. Show all posts

Thursday, February 4, 2021

Autism and How I Am Dealing With This Pandemic!

           I know the past year, well almost the past year as we are inching closer to the 1 year mark of this pandemic. I wanna make a reflection and how I have dealt with this pandemic. As most of you know by now, I have Autism and have had it since I was around 7 or 8 years of age and you guys know my story as you can simple read which is nearly 4 years ago I wrote this but it is a very good read if you guys are indeed interested in that. I have noticed my dynamics and daily routine has been off and there are night like last night for example, where I was up quite late then usual. Somedays I eat normal, others I eat a little bit more some days not as much. I hardly go out for walks much especially now with the colder weather here but I try. My work habits sometimes are good and some days not as much, but one way or another I seem to get the job and the recent days I proved to show that I can get the job done. When there are days I don't wanna work or work not as much then I know that is when I can play video games or card games with my parents and I have done that in the past and I know when my body had enough and last night was definitely a show of my will power that I wanna get things done and done in a timely fashion.

           In this point of being in the pandemic I kind of go by how I am feeling. I know it is tough for all of us and there has been points of my mental health has flared up but the most part I have shown patience most of the time but like I said I have my moments and that's honestly ok to have those moments. I just try and think about the positive things I can look forward to after this is all done and honestly cases have gone down here in Ontario, it helps me knowing it's gone down a bit. I know my parents and friends and team are giving me that distraction during this, especially Eric, Larry, Jasmine, my neighbor who I've spoken to over Skype, Discord or even FaceTime. Also talking to my neighbors outside from a distance and even talking to my Grandma every couple of days when I get a moment. I have my strategies and it seems to help me out and I gotta remember to use those strategies. I also wanna point out I have started to watch seasons of Survivor I haven't seen yet, watching Home Improvement again, Monk, Supergirl, seasons 4 and 5 which I gotta do a review for soon. Either way I find something to do regardless during this pandemic.


Monday, January 20, 2020

Bullying Is Not OK!

            This was inspired by a friend of mine and I cannot go into full detail what made me talk about this. Obviously I am not cool with bullying and it is not definitely not OK to do especially with people with a disability or on the Autistic Spectrum and I can say I have been bullied in the past and it is definitely not OK. Yes words do hurt and we got feelings and it isn't right. Yes you have an opinion but you do not have to be hurtful or malicious in a way and yes there is a reason behind this entire post. Bullying makes people feel bad and puts some of us into a depression. How do you think I felt being called names last year when I was ignoring the person which I had every right to in the end and it is your choice. Yes ignoring works but if you are being bullied constantly then it is definitely hard to ignore. However this day in age with social media there is that thing called a report button and block button but easy to get around with making a new account. Obviously I am a big advocate for people with Autism and as you know I have Autism but also an advocate against bullying and it is unacceptable honestly! It really upsets me to see anyone with Autism and a normal everyday person get bullied and the reason I wanted to spread my message. 

              I am open to talking about it and I just want to get my message across that I am NOT cool with people especially any of my friends that is when they cross the line and yea I do stick up for my friends, family and even the Staff here at Chris B On The Web, Everything About Reality TV & Power Rangers Collab Podcast, Honestly I will not tolerate it with anyone as I have said in this post it is not OK  to do. I sure as heck will stick up for anyone and I am now probably a very big advocate of people getting bullied.  In the end it is not OK and you are not alone and if you have to talk to someone then talk to someone you trust like a trusted friend, family member or someone with authority. They are there to listen and help you and I have done this in the past and truly recommend it. Remember ignoring or blocking the person is probably one of the best way but in the end also talking to someone talks. That is what is on my mind right and thank you for reading what I have to say and I will see you in the next post tomorrow.


Tuesday, December 10, 2019

My Mental Health Is Better Then It Has Been!

              I can be honest with you guys, my mental health has been better then it has been. I mean with friends turning on me this year, my mental health got bad again and I really had to deal with hence one of the reasons I stopped volunteering this year to deal with myself first. My mental health and well-being is the upmost importance to me at this time. I have been working on getting myself a lot happier and it has been honestly an uphill battle especially with dealing with Everything About Reality TV and what I really wanna do if I wanted to continue or just call it quits with it and honestly I think this one of the reasons I have been down and not myself as this podcast has really brought me down and I can say 4 years, 12 seasons, over 240 + Episodes it is the right time to stop the podcast and move on and I am happier now with the right decisions. I have to think what is best for me and makes me the happiest and this is the best decision. Now with friends, like I said I know who my friends are after losing 2 friends I know who my real friends are and happy with the friends I got right now. I am feeling so much better that I have control of my own life and not let anyone get in the way. Eric really opened up my mind in the past few weeks and has made me think so that has helped me.

                I can say I am in a much happier place now and nothing will stop my happiness and one thing I am planning on doing is staying positive and it has helped me as the more positive I am the better things are for me. I have been thinking things a lot more clearly and sometimes I will talk things out in my studio and figure things out. Also I have been thinking about the pros and cons of things and honestly it has helped me. Either way I am a lot happier and able to think clearly, however with my podcast ending, it will really help me clear up but give me a few weeks and the motivation and happiness will be up but right now I have to focus on finishing up the podcast then take the next step. That is another thing, I am able to take baby steps and one step at a time as some things are a step by step but I have to also take one day at a time and that seems to help as well. Either way I am a happy go lucky person and my happiness is what matters as I do not want to go back into a depression ever again, I want to remain happy. I know in the end it is not easy even with someone that has autism since I was young and I just have to somehow deal with it and with the tools I have been given, I need to continue to follow it. 


Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Autism Celebration 2018

              Last night I was at the Autism Celebration 2018. I found out that the event has been running for the past 7 years and I have been involved in 5 of the 7 as I missed 2015 (Due to work) & 2017, last year, due to, well err lack of funding for planning my booth. I went over my budget last year. LOL... However this year, I can say I budgeted for the event perfectly with no problems of being off budget like last year. As you know through social media I have been planning this for the past 4 months with blue printing what I wanna do and how I want to promote CBOTW. There was a few hiccups with the board but nobody noticed it whatsoever so that is good and I will not get into that. I left finish off the board till the last possible second which is the usual me but hey it got done. 

               I got at the event a little more perkier as I was moody like an hour and a half, but anyways, I ended setting up pretty quickly, was a bit all over the place trying to figure things out but managed to setup and got a chance to sit before the event started. We heard some singing and a story of a father and son biking trip which was very inspirational to me especially and inspired me with what I am doing and I got a planned blog post next week with the initial plan for CBOTW in 2019. Anyways, I got a slow down at my booth with people popping by my booth and I got to get up and wonder around and look at different booths around the floor which mind you, I never did that last year... err sorry I mean 2 years ago. It felt good to get up and mingle with other people. Now if Larry or Dave came with me, I could wonder around a lot more as I needed to keep an eye on it in case someone came by but that's OK, I can move quite quickly despite my ailing knee problem which I will talk about in a later post. One thing I loved about the event was all the questions and yes YouTube came up last night. Why? Well my podcast started on YouTube and then Audio as you now hear and see to this actual day.  After talking to my consultant at Kerry's Place I will be more involved with them as I have not been very active with them for the last several years minus the Autism Celebration each and every year. I saw familiar faces from last 2 years ago and always good to see new faces at the event each and every year. 

                Finally In want to once again thank the Kerry's Place Staff for having me and for everything they have done over the man years as I have been with em since 1996, so 22 years I have been with them and if it wasn't for the foundations program introducing me to this event, I do not know what I would of done with myself. It sure gets me out for the evening and I enjoyed myself like always and I sure as heck cannot wait for next year as I will be back bigger then ever at the next event. 


Sunday, March 4, 2018

Been Feeling A Bit Down In The Last 2- 3 Days...

                 I cannot hide the facts that I haven't been myself lately and my moods have been all the over the place, there has been days I didn't want to take my medication for my PDD (Autism) but it's more the fact I feel like I wasted my time giving someone who was earning my trust back with it going out the window and really fast. That has been dragging me down in the last 2 - 3 days, just trying to figure out how to deal with this and to keep up with taking my medication as I know and experience, if I do not take it, then my temper is pretty bad and my friends have seen and do not want to see me miserable and unhappy and I really appreciate that family and friends have been there for me in the past but yes I hid the really facts why some posts weren't constructed well on social media, I just had that I don't really wanna post anything right now, not in the mood. You can tell by my voice for those who are on the Facebook Group live I did yesterday morning on my big adventure yesterday.

                 I am really grateful for great family members and friends who I can count on to cheer me up when I am down in the dumps and recently that has been the case. My friend and former staff member from my previous life as a YouTube is a prime example, he was able to calm me down within a few minutes as I was really fired up and I won't get into specific details of the situation as that is personal but he was able to calm me down and get me to change my mind about going out yesterday and enjoying the day out and trust me I sure did enjoy myself so much I wanna do it again soon! LOL. 

                   Which brings me to today, since i was back late and I am talking late, late like 11 - 11:15 pm EST which was well worth I tell you! But today I slept into today almost till noon but my mom woke me up as she was going out today so it was all good but been moping around the house and the studio today trying to get the Big Brother Canada 6 Cast Preview Podcast notes done and over with but no beef with getting it up tonight but if you tuned into the last podcast, I covered all my bases the other day as I said it would of been today or tomorrow. So today has not been a good day, been struggling all day, just really hope and pray tomorrow is a better day for me and I hope I can perk up and be happy again.

Have a great night!


Wednesday, January 10, 2018

My Mental Health Is No So Good Once Again...

              It's not like I didn't take my meds for my Persuasive Development Disorder (PDD) or also known as autism but today wasn't a great day and my friends ensured me none of this was my fault. But I feel responsible for my actions towards knocking the chair over and dropping my Contiago cup which is medal to the floor spilling the rest of my drink onto the floor making a mess, then grabbing my jacket and walking out the door with me kicking it further on the floor then knocking over the wet floor sign, out the door, then proceeding to kick the garbage can and spill the rest of my drink on the ground from the bottle then the rest of the day is history. 

               Now, I haven't had a mental breakdown this bad since April of last year and it is very concerning to me to when my moods gets this bad but I wonder if it is because of my lack of sleep in the last several days is what could be the culprit behind it as you all know I have been busy with the website recently, podcasts and the blog, I am not surprised I can hold in all this stress in for this long. Only a few people know what is going on with me with the lack of sleep problem but not everyone knew what was going on, only 2 friends if I remember knew about it. Now I ended up scratching my poor hand open and it's the first time since July of last year this has happened which is a good thing, I am not making it a habit of me doing that constantly to myself, so I am learning to not do harm to myself but I need to continue on with sticking to my strategies I have learned in the past year and a half almost now and keeping up with it. Now I walked away, however I could of gone without kicking my cup on the floor or knocking the wet floor sign or kicking the garbage can and things could of been better. But also I could of gone without hurting myself. However with me just deciding to go home, that was a smart move on my part and should of left sooner then sticking around, this could of been prevented but I of course listened to my friends advice and I always appreciate my friends sticking up for me or being supportive of me. 

                 There is a long road to my mental health getting better and I think without friends that turn on me on a dime or wants to cause problems ,I was in a much happier place till today happened. With my current circle of friends and my family supporting me, I know I can not self harm myself, I know I can control my anger and frustrations if people try to start trouble, I gotta just work harder and use my strategies and I know I will be a happier person and always smiling like I have in the past few weeks.

Have a great night!


Sunday, September 17, 2017

Had To Pull Out of An Event & So Much Is Going On Right Now!

          First of all this really stinks! So much going on for Chris B On The Web, setbacks after setbacks, after setbacks. First of all what do I mean by this? Well, I had to bail out of an event due to the ink cartridge suddenly dying and it would cost me a bit of money to get replaced. It is the little things that is draining my money to get ready for this event and I feel so bad  for bailing out but I pretty much ran out of money on the budget, so I kind of screwed myself over in the process. That is how bad things are going for me at this point of time.

          The next thing is as you know "CBOTW" has no more group since people aka haters wanna report my posts as "spam" when it isn't spam, I am posting information for people to know what is going on with Chris B On The Web and I have my ideas who it could be and I am not letting the haters get the worse out of me either. My primary focus now is Twitter and Google Plus and as you know I only post up on Google Plus the most important things as Twitter I can post what I want but not like messages by the second, I try to space out my posts by a few minutes. So one less social media I have at this point of time. Yes I am not one bit happy with the fact that I lost my group to wrongful reports of spam when it wasn't spam. I should of kept it a private group this way nothing got reported and would of been only the members that could report as if the group was totally a secret to my friends nobody can find it or post so I should of done that, but I wanted it to be available to all the fans out there. I should of really known better.

            Finally is the icing on the cake to all this bullcrap in the last 12 hours or so is my website sub menu deciding to not work and we all know it is the web builder. The good news the sub menu problem has been fixed but the website will need to be re-build so this means more work for em and the list is on and on and on of stuff to fix, pretty much I gotta fix the mistakes and I am actually improving the way Everything About Reality TV will be in the way of feeds, as you know I have to transfer feeds each and every season which isn't a problem but thinking of having the one feed for each season that would be the only one to be updated this way there isn't too many pages to click on but yet I am quite content with the way it is right now but it is an idea but you guys are use to the current state of the feeds and how it goes but there is always room for improvement but at this point. That is my update and there will be another blog post later on today to talk about the Ukrainian/Polish Festival I went to yesterday. 


Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Event Change Announcement for October 2017- No Autism Celebration

             Back over the weekend I had to make a tough decision with one of the events and as you know this year I have and been known for making some drastic changes with Chris B On The Web and no Justin leaving was just a conversation between him and I about what he can do to help the website and of course the conversation of him moving on in his life as he's been with me for 6 long years and I just couldn't come up with an idea what he could do and plus he's been so busy so it was both him and I decided for him to resign and I am so grateful for his time and efforts with the help even when I was still part of the YouTube community from 2006 - 2016, nearly 10 years on the platform. However he will be collaborating in a podcast in the New Year in a Off Season Podcast but that's not what this post is about.

               The reason for today's post of the day is because  I wanna make this special announcement and more importantly an important announcement as it was the most difficult choice I had to make but due to recent events, I need to pull myself away, from the Autism Celebration. This is more then likely a permanent thing, I need to move on from this event even though I really enjoyed going each and every year but like the saying goes "All Great Things, Must Come To An End" and this is the point of time I need to move on and do what's best for me and also Chris B On The Web. One of the major concerns especially for going to this event was spending the money for lamination and also photocopies, ink and it all added up over the last 2 months and drained my money quite drastically so the big issue is affording to do all of this photocopying and laminating and also getting the display board which is like 25 dollars and it all adds up in the end and this year has been hard money wise and it isn't easy to be spending tons of money on an event, probably more then likely I will be working on information over the next year and hopefully next year I'd attend but this year I am giving up my spot to someone else because of some of those reasons, I have another reason but rather not go into great detail or bring it up as I am not feeling comfortable talking about it at this moment and rather not make my own problems public on here. I may go back, I may end up not going back depends how I feel but I feel like my time with that event has come to an end. I am forever grateful for this opportunity and glad one of the Kerry's Place Staff getting me involved with the event for several years and it has opened up so many great ideas but you never know in the nearby future if I will make a return or not just this year is not a great year for me as money is very limited with the purchase of a new studio mic. Hoping next year to attend but it totally depends how things are for me. 

Have a great Wednesday!


Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Feeling Good!

        With the recent events that has gone on, I am starting slowly come around and be a bit happier then I have been over the last 4 days.  However, I am still depressed on and off and my sleep has been completely derailed in the last few days, meaning someday's I sleep normal, some nights I sleep at 6 pm till midnight then up throughout the night. However I am more up and open to talking to my parents compare to the last few days I've been very quiet but today I am very talkative person and more open to talking to my friends, neighbors and family.  Today I also feel like podcasting, like getting the podcasts that are missing up on,, & TuneIn! Which surprised me entirely that I wanted to get caught up with the missing podcasts that were missing and as of tonight I will be caught up on last week but tomorrow I am doing my Amazing Race 29 Preview Podcast and of course my Survivor Game Changers Recap Podcast but I have to take one thing at a time and in time I will be entirely caught up with podcasts right to the end of the week and I can rest easy on the weekend. There will be no more preview podcasts to worry about till the summer time when BB19 and Amazing Canada comes out so it will not be a worry. Yea I am still depressed and stressed out but I cannot leave my site as it is with no content so right now I am playing catch up. But being back in the saddle of the podcast and I am finally getting back to normal slowly. I think I will end up going back onto FB Sunday, think a week will be good enough of a break for me and everything will go back to normal and I will not have to worry about the people causing me drama anymore.

Sorry for the short post but have a great night!


Monday, March 27, 2017

Not Been The Greatest...

This is the hardest blog I have ever written, so much rushing through my mind right now to what to say.... Since more friends wanna turn their backs on me, it has put me into a complete tail spin of a downward spiral, I had one heck of a meltdown and hurt myself pretty bad. Today my mood is kind of somber, I am very quiet, haven't had much to eat just toast and peanut butter and probably wont be eating anything else today. I threw my Contigo cup against the old TV and I'm surprised it didn't crack the freakin screen. I doubt it'd work over the abuse its had recently... Ha ha. I am trying to smile a lot more today but its hard to crack a smile with the recent situation. I've pretty well turned on a group of people who care so much about me and my well being, but at this point I feel like I can't trust certain people, feel like I am unable to trust anyone who is my friend because they will turn on me in a dime. Had that happened this year with 3 people and 2 last year being 2 long friendships that have it's best times and it's worst times. I've been avoiding Facebook this week so far but minimal communication with people, such as people who have IM'd me back to make sure I am ok and also my Staff (My Team) I am keeping direct contact with so I can make sure everything is still going to plan. YES! I am trying to keep things as normal as possible when it comes to the operating of Chris B On The Web. I may be dealing with my Mental Health right now but I still want to get stuff out too as well ON Time and not fall behind like last year. Even if I ended up in the hospital, I probably be behind a few podcasts if I stayed over night or a few days but glad I am home and resting and trying to deal with this on my own terms which I should give props for as I am giving it my will power to try and deal with this on my own and I know I do have the option to walk into the Emergency to the crisis unit to talk to someone if I felt like I am still out of control and I feel out of control in my head still, my head is all over the place right now dealing with this, just not sure where my head is at these days with all the friendships falling apart and I just do not know who my friends are anymore in my real life, I just don't feel like I am wanted on Facebook and close to 100% wanting to delete my Facebook account and give certain friends and family my email to keep in touch, that's it.  I got till Sunday as I am taking the week off from the site to decided whether I am returning to Facebook or not. Now mind you I got family on there and high school and college friends, however maybe I need to be careful who I add and trust around my email and Facebook friends list at this point. Yes this is real life friends too I am talking about. Anyways that is the update what is going on with me and why I have been a bit quiet on Twitter and behind the podcasts especially.

Have a great night!


Wednesday, March 22, 2017

My Autism Story...

             First of all a few people has inspired me to write this and I have talked about it on YouTube which that video is no longer on that platform as I've deleted the channel almost a year ago. You guys probably can tell via Twitter, I sometimes am moody on Social Media quite often but for those who didn't know and I do not talk about it much online anymore as people have given me grief over it but I shouldn't been afraid to tell people and usually I get bitched at, saying I am making things up when I am not. I've had autism since 8 or 9 years of age which was like back in Grade 3 or 4 when my teachers noticed something off that wasn't normal to what they usually seen during class. So after I left my Catholic Elementary School I went into the Public School system from 1998 right till 2001. When I entered my 2nd elementary school, I was tested and I was diagnosed with Persuasive Development Disorder, also known as P.D.D. I finished Elementary School went into High School near home, which the school is now closed many years later after I finished High School. I got such a stupid suspension there and my parents pushed to get it lifted & they did. After Donovan High School, I went back to Duffin's Bay P.S. for the remainder of the year. They up'd my progress putting me into 2 different integration classes with the Grade 8's and met really nice friends, still connected with 2 of them to this day which is really amazing.  I even joined the Musical called the Highlight Zone and I really put myself out of my comfort Zone, I was very nervous at the first 2 performances for the school 

             After my Grade 8 graduation, yes I actually got a Grade 8 Graduation this time around compare the first time I left Duffin's Bay I was off to O'Neill and the rest the history, made tons of friends and connecting to a whole pile of them, still connected to my EA, and even Kellie who seemed to follow me from Duffin's! Just kidding! Was such a small world her and I ended up in High School and I almost had her as my first ever Girlfriend, too bad I didn't give her a chance. I met the most amazing teacher, Mr. Plishka, yes he was a pain in my ass but he got the best out of me and had such an amazing time with him in both Grade 10 Gym, Canadian History & Civics class and he also was my Homeroom Teacher. I still got so many memories of High School and my friends were ever so understanding with me having a disability. Also I got reward after reward and even a metal for having high marks for the semester and I still got the medal upstairs in my room to this day. After High School, I started The Video Projects Team up and obviously the rest is history which you can find on 

            So moving into 2010 I went into the Community Integration Throughout Cooperative Education for 2 years and studied Pre-Media with some General Studies like Creative Writing, Communication 1. But Media was my primary focus and I learned so much over the 2 years met so many friends in the CICE program. From there I continued on with my group till the end of it, then you guys know the remainder of the story. I have had a lot of hard times dealing with friendships ending, people turning their back on me but not only that putting me down, I got right back up on my feet and continued to strive myself on a daily basis. I had my very first job at a Book Store that lasted 4 weeks but was one of my most major challenges having a disability and even now I still have my challenges but manage through them one thing at a time.

Have a great Wednesday!


Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Autism Celebration 2016

So last night I attended the Autism Celebration 2016, not my first, I've probably attended it 3 years in a row minus last year due to my commitment to my job that I got and yes I wanted to be there for it once again but couldn't but was there in spirit, I could of gone from work as a  guest not displaying my site but it is good to be back. When I arrived I was in very crummy mood and didn't really want to be there. But once I got things started and everyone visiting my booth. I started to open up to a lot of people, my past, why I left YouTube, even trying on my own from February to June which didn't work out very well. It was an suggestion made but if I've tried on my own and it didn't work out it didn't work out. 

Had a whole bunch of visits to my booth, some familiar faces and got to see my friends Mel and Lisa whom I've known for many years now and was great to see them both! Saw some familiar faces who have been to my booth in the past and always great to see them again! Connected with someone that knows a lot about website and can be an asset to my site in the future as well, so never know they might connect with me! Also connected with two current CICE students that is taking the program I was in for 2 years from 2010 - 2012 and was great to talk to current students. This told me promoting the program was an great idea and I am planning on continuing to promote the CICE Program again at next years Autism Celebration 2017! Also connected with someone who likes to play video games so a lot of ideas came up in my mind. Also it started to make me think what is more important to my website now & it makes me think maybe I should make my RETURN to and maybe my friend Brew can help me get the OBS Studio down pat to no Lag and never know I could be streaming on Twitch again as of Nov 1st, 2016 the day after Halloween! So a lot of visitors to my booth have given me ideas even not writing anything into my suggestion box! Just talking to people is helping me realize I need to follow my newly found passions which is Blogging on my Site, Podcasting and Gaming! 3 things I highly enjoy in my life right now! I also got to reconnect to Lisa Binns whom I have known for 20 years, yes I have been a part of Kerrys Place for 20 years! I've known Lisa and Nicole the longest I believe out of all the Staff at KPAS. 

Finally I want to say thank-you to the Kerry's Place Staff and a very special thanks to Ann for helping me finalize the board. I will be back in 2017 for the next Autism Celebration and bigger and better then this year and more confident then I have been this year with this really not so good year, because 2017 will be my year and I will be over this really bad year! Below is a picture of where I have put my Thank You Card from the Kerrys Place Staff which is on my white board at the bottom so I can look at it everyday!

Have a Great Tuesday Everyone! 


P.S. Next event for me is Nov 8th, 2016: I will be at the Royal Winter Fair in Toronto.