Thoughts On Lying, Trust and Happiness

              Now this is a subject that I have never really covered this blog before but what do I think of lying? Obviously I am the most truthful, open and honest person you guys can ever meet. I was raised to be a honest person and I admit things pretty quickly and do not hide how I really feel. Now lying, I just do not like and been lied to in the past or people turning their back on me out of nowhere. I have even been helping with making my niece and nephew a very honest person. Honestly lying, I find it as it breaks a point of trust with anyone and I honestly find it tough to keep a friendship afloat as well. Lying just hurts the relationships you are in or even a friendship or even within your own family, they will find it tough to honestly trust you again. It will also make you having to earn their trust back in the process which can take a very long time and I know how it feels. Look at Eric and Larry for example, they both have had our differences in the past with one another but look at us. I can really say that both of them are 2 of my best friends now and we are our friendship is so strong now. I am using them as an example as I said we have had a rocky friendship at times and I will not go into detail but the point I am trying to make, were stronger then we were before.


            You know I have been too trusting and I admit that co-heartily and this year, I think I am going to change things  this year and going to be tougher with that honestly. Last year I had friends turn on me and I felt like an outcast and I think I just feel like I was too trusting and be lied to. I want to be a happy and healthier person. I openly admit my mental health this year needs to change . Honestly change is good and I am good with change now these days. When I was just found out that I have autism, which you guys know I do not talk about very often online but I found change tough but now, it's a piece of cake for me and I am good with change to this day. So this is my thoughts on lying, trust and happiness and I hope you guys enjoyed this topic and if you guys would like any other topics to cover on the blog, please let me know in  the comments below.



Chris

What Do I Expect in 2020?

             There is a bunch of things I hope for in 2020 and the New Year is only days away now and I have sometime to start to think about things through and I have honestly have been hiding a lot of things with what is upcoming for CBOTW and been a very sneaky person behind the scenes of one of the 3 podcasts on Chris B On The Web. I will get into some details on January 1st but now is not the time. With the recent staff changes in the recent week and a half, I feel a lot happier with who is on the team right now with the 4 of us involved. So without further ado here is what I expect in 2020:

1) Positivity-  This year has been a year of ups and downs, from two of my former staff turning their back on me which is fine with me. Also problems on the forefront of CBOTW from a Gaming Podcast that was in the plan was once again gone into turmoil and I promise you it is nowhere near in the plans for 2020, I already know what is on the list for 2020 and again you will have to wait till January 1st, 2020 @ 12 pm EST.

2) New Content and Team Members- One amazing thing I look forward to and again will be announcing it all and I really need to revamp that post before but not that only that but I will be adding in, well they already are a part of the CBOTW Family and both days I will be talking about it Jan 1st & Jan 2nd, 2020.

3) Friendships- With losing some friendships this year I want to hopefully find a new friends in 2020 and ones that will not turn on me but also work on the friends I got and I know I can definitely count on them to be there for me moving into the New Year.

4) Self Employment- As you know this month I started self employment for myself and this is officially start to year 0 as I have yet to reach one full year right now but that will come in December 2020 when I hit the full year mark. Either way it is exciting to be self employed and earning money on the website or even on the podcast and honestly I have been anticipating this moment for a very long time now and it has come to full circle and soon we will have a studio that will be suitable to the needs of the team.

5) Studio Renovations- Which brings me into the second last point I would like make on this blog today is the Studio Reno which is getting there and 3 more panels and the walls are fixed finally, then comes the ceiling work where the actual studio recording is going to be to put in the sound proofing and a cover over it so it is not visible but that will be in January sometime and in the New Year I have to get Larry to help me move the rolling desk and the boxes for the space out of here so this way we have more room to work on the end of the room. I hope to be done in February but no guarantees whatsoever. It will be done when it will be done.

6) Keeping My Power Rangers Podcast Return Promise- I know this year hasn't been a great year for this podcast but I am making my promise to you guys there will be 3 of them next year or the New Year coming in a few days from now. Even if we aim for a March record that is fine because I will be ready to go by then by a mile and a half, ha-ha.



Chris

My Mental Health Is Better Then It Has Been!

              I can be honest with you guys, my mental health has been better then it has been. I mean with friends turning on me this year, my mental health got bad again and I really had to deal with hence one of the reasons I stopped volunteering this year to deal with myself first. My mental health and well-being is the upmost importance to me at this time. I have been working on getting myself a lot happier and it has been honestly an uphill battle especially with dealing with Everything About Reality TV and what I really wanna do if I wanted to continue or just call it quits with it and honestly I think this one of the reasons I have been down and not myself as this podcast has really brought me down and I can say 4 years, 12 seasons, over 240 + Episodes it is the right time to stop the podcast and move on and I am happier now with the right decisions. I have to think what is best for me and makes me the happiest and this is the best decision. Now with friends, like I said I know who my friends are after losing 2 friends I know who my real friends are and happy with the friends I got right now. I am feeling so much better that I have control of my own life and not let anyone get in the way. Eric really opened up my mind in the past few weeks and has made me think so that has helped me.


                I can say I am in a much happier place now and nothing will stop my happiness and one thing I am planning on doing is staying positive and it has helped me as the more positive I am the better things are for me. I have been thinking things a lot more clearly and sometimes I will talk things out in my studio and figure things out. Also I have been thinking about the pros and cons of things and honestly it has helped me. Either way I am a lot happier and able to think clearly, however with my podcast ending, it will really help me clear up but give me a few weeks and the motivation and happiness will be up but right now I have to focus on finishing up the podcast then take the next step. That is another thing, I am able to take baby steps and one step at a time as some things are a step by step but I have to also take one day at a time and that seems to help as well. Either way I am a happy go lucky person and my happiness is what matters as I do not want to go back into a depression ever again, I want to remain happy. I know in the end it is not easy even with someone that has autism since I was young and I just have to somehow deal with it and with the tools I have been given, I need to continue to follow it. 



Chris

Friendships Come and Friendships Go...

         Friendships come and friendships go and I have experienced that recently and there is nothing I can really do about it. I know it hurts with some friendships of 13 years which doesn't much to the other party involved and it hurts honestly. We had plans to take our dads to the Generals hockey game like we use to, we had plans to go to an eviction together, including one of my other friends and now it sounds like Larry and I are going on our own and that fine, I know the route technically and I know how to get ourselves around by now so that is good. I could involve another friend in this if I really wanted to honestly I could include someone else to go with us. Friendships that have been shorter seem to not really bother me I tend to get over it sooner and I am not sure why the heck I feel this way but it is what it is. I am still wrapping my head around all of this and I just do not know what went wrong and friends turned on me or they accuse me of something I never did and want nothing to do then I think it's time I start to make the changes in my life at this point is to find some new friends. I have been within that group of friends for a very long time now and I honestly tired of the drama with some of them and it is time to make some changes in my life. 


             I am not saying that I'm making complete change just gotta figure out who are my true friends and I think at this time I am started to see the people who still truly care about me and are my friends. I guess I shouldn't be so trusting but I am. I am just able to trust people so easily and i should be careful who to trust especially if they've turned on me before in the past and I not using names as I just do not want to cause anymore problems but I am allowed to have an opinion and that is what I am doing currently. I just do not know where I stand with some people and I am regretting gaining a new friendship but it was a test to see if they were going to stay a true friend or not. I am glad I reconnected with someone from ball and we talk quite a lot and I've actually invited him out to the house for my birthday so that will be nice to be around friends but I have friends that I can talk to on a regular basis and I am involved with volunteer work which is good, I can meet new people and never know I will get some new friends down the road! Like I said friends come and friends go and the ones that stay are truly a good friend!



Chris

Change.... How Do You Change Yourself As A Person?

                 Change, it is such a hard thing sometimes to deal with. I for one have had to deal with changing things in my life and today I will talk about it in today's blog post and how I have overcome and made these changes in my life not just online wise, but also in my personal life as well, I have worked hard to change my life around. 


                   How did I change my life, for one I stopped being friends with the people who always put me down or got mad at me for no apparent reason, no names mentioned from the start of this month but I wanna surround myself with people with people are positive and have a positive affect in my life, if that makes any sense to you guys. Since the Drama on March 2nd with my former friend of almost 15 years, I am starting to question who my true friends are. I mean I am starting to realize who my true friends are these days and I am happy with the people who are my loyal friends and always there for me and there if I need to talk when I am feeling down, they are truly there for me. 


                     Also I felt like I wanted to change the way I eat, to lose weight and in the last year and a bit you have seen me lose the weight and I am still planning to lose more weight just it will take some time but I am already underway with that process and honestly, I feel great as of right now. Last I checked I am at 220 pounds and staying right there at that number right now but that's for the first Monday of the month to update you and what I plan on doing to continue to lose the weight and a little more better pace. But I mean my self esteem as been a lot better recently, I am feeling happier with losing the weight. I have been smiling a lot more. I think what I am trying to say is I am feeling better about myself with the weight loss. 


                    Finally, friendships being tested and confusion who I can and cannot trust in the past year has been one of the biggest issues I have and I think I finally grasped who I can and cannot trust that has been figured out at this point and I am happy with the group of friends I have right now and nothing can change it. Sometimes you gotta change choose friends who constantly get you upset or mad, sometimes you gotta ask are they really worth the stress? Like I always say friends come and go, but new friends will come along the way! They know who they and I mentioned it above for your information everyone but no names to be mentioned but now I have a clear idea who my real true friends are and I am totally grateful for them in my life! They are truly my friends for life both Facebook and Twitter! 💓


Chris

Photo Is From: Google, A Quote By Carol Burnett 

Been Feeling A Bit Down In The Last 2- 3 Days...

                 I cannot hide the facts that I haven't been myself lately and my moods have been all the over the place, there has been days I didn't want to take my medication for my PDD (Autism) but it's more the fact I feel like I wasted my time giving someone who was earning my trust back with it going out the window and really fast. That has been dragging me down in the last 2 - 3 days, just trying to figure out how to deal with this and to keep up with taking my medication as I know and experience, if I do not take it, then my temper is pretty bad and my friends have seen and do not want to see me miserable and unhappy and I really appreciate that family and friends have been there for me in the past but yes I hid the really facts why some posts weren't constructed well on social media, I just had that I don't really wanna post anything right now, not in the mood. You can tell by my voice for those who are on the Facebook Group live I did yesterday morning on my big adventure yesterday.


                 I am really grateful for great family members and friends who I can count on to cheer me up when I am down in the dumps and recently that has been the case. My friend and former staff member from my previous life as a YouTube is a prime example, he was able to calm me down within a few minutes as I was really fired up and I won't get into specific details of the situation as that is personal but he was able to calm me down and get me to change my mind about going out yesterday and enjoying the day out and trust me I sure did enjoy myself so much I wanna do it again soon! LOL. 


                   Which brings me to today, since i was back late and I am talking late, late like 11 - 11:15 pm EST which was well worth I tell you! But today I slept into today almost till noon but my mom woke me up as she was going out today so it was all good but been moping around the house and the studio today trying to get the Big Brother Canada 6 Cast Preview Podcast notes done and over with but no beef with getting it up tonight but if you tuned into the last podcast, I covered all my bases the other day as I said it would of been today or tomorrow. So today has not been a good day, been struggling all day, just really hope and pray tomorrow is a better day for me and I hope I can perk up and be happy again.

Have a great night!


Chris

Depression...

Lately, I have been feeling really depressed with people accusing me of starting drama when they are the one's messaging me and starting the conversation. Then losing 4 friends over that situation, so I think I am staying with the people who care about me, because every time something like this or a friend turns their back on me like the one person did recently and I tell you, when I get depressed it lingers for 4 - 5 days sometimes more... Sometimes I can go out of it where I don't smile anymore... I haven't smiled much lately with the recent drama in my life... Also friends turning on me for no apparent reason as well that is making me a bit on the depressed side. 

That is not the only thing that I am depressed about is the fact I have not been in a relationship with anyone since my EX Girlfriend down in Ohio. I have found it hard and a struggle to find someone I can share with and has the same passions as I do. But someday soon I hope to find a girlfriend and never know where that will take me, I could end up married and maybe even find myself being a dad in the near future. But honestly I just gotta remain being myself and try to laugh a bit more and I have in the last 24 hours now watching the Meathead, Arrrrchie, Little Gorl and The Dingbat aka All In The Family from the 70's. For those who don't me that well yet and who read my blog didn't know I love the old TV comedy shows. So that is my positive get away from the life drama being thrown at me watching a few or in my case almost an entire season of All In The Family. And it lifts up my spirits quickly. Other thing that helps is me listening to T Swift (Taylor Swift)- Shake It Off https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfWlot6h_JM or Avicci- Wake me up! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y_KJAg8bHI  Hope this helps you with depression if you got it and feeling depressed, take a listen to it. 


Have a great Tuesday!


Chris

Had an Awkward Moment Today On The Bus...

Today on my way home from the YMCA, I ran into my friends Terry and Angie and of course my arch nemesis and the person that destroyed my YouTube Channel and I had nothing to say to him, yet he sat there not even offering an apology for what he said to me which shows he don't care or want to apologize. At this point I do not even wanna hear an apology from him since he didn't try to even talk. His problem is he waits months before talking things out with me which harms and damages the friendship I had with him even more to a point I could not give a flying shit about him now... I've moved on. However let me tell you guys it was really awkward for me, wasted 13 years of a friendship with him. I mean if you spend this long being friends with someone and they treat you like trash, telling you to "Get Lost" and go back on their words and just be plain out rude. Also assault you, as you can figure out I was assaulted by him back in 2010 and finding it even more harder to forgive him, hes got no case for me to forgive and forget the crap he caused. 


But it was completely awkward with him being across from me and I couldn't even look at him, I just cannot find it in my heart to forgive him this time, there is no way in hell this time he will get in my good books now, I am clearly done with him now but to see him was the most awkward moment of today. I hate to open old wombs of a damaged friendship and it hurts to run into the person that really, really hurt me to a point I just wanna tell him off but I end up biting my tongue just because I was still fuming at that piece of crap. I am however glad I held back my feelings because that makes a mountain out of a mole which an old saying. What I am trying to say I need positive stuff in my life not the negative and I've been getting rid of the negative people or the people putting me down. Life is too short for negativity. That is why I held back my true feelings but yes I should release it somehow but I know this blog isn't the place for it but I am expressing my feelings how awkward and strange it was to see Eric and this is the first time in about 4 months I have seen him in person. I know what you guys will say is I gotta face him eventually and today seems to be that moment I need to face the music to the people who turned their backs on me. I think I am in the right direction.


Have a great night guys! 


Chris