My Mental Health Is Better Then It Has Been!

              I can be honest with you guys, my mental health has been better then it has been. I mean with friends turning on me this year, my mental health got bad again and I really had to deal with hence one of the reasons I stopped volunteering this year to deal with myself first. My mental health and well-being is the upmost importance to me at this time. I have been working on getting myself a lot happier and it has been honestly an uphill battle especially with dealing with Everything About Reality TV and what I really wanna do if I wanted to continue or just call it quits with it and honestly I think this one of the reasons I have been down and not myself as this podcast has really brought me down and I can say 4 years, 12 seasons, over 240 + Episodes it is the right time to stop the podcast and move on and I am happier now with the right decisions. I have to think what is best for me and makes me the happiest and this is the best decision. Now with friends, like I said I know who my friends are after losing 2 friends I know who my real friends are and happy with the friends I got right now. I am feeling so much better that I have control of my own life and not let anyone get in the way. Eric really opened up my mind in the past few weeks and has made me think so that has helped me.


                I can say I am in a much happier place now and nothing will stop my happiness and one thing I am planning on doing is staying positive and it has helped me as the more positive I am the better things are for me. I have been thinking things a lot more clearly and sometimes I will talk things out in my studio and figure things out. Also I have been thinking about the pros and cons of things and honestly it has helped me. Either way I am a lot happier and able to think clearly, however with my podcast ending, it will really help me clear up but give me a few weeks and the motivation and happiness will be up but right now I have to focus on finishing up the podcast then take the next step. That is another thing, I am able to take baby steps and one step at a time as some things are a step by step but I have to also take one day at a time and that seems to help as well. Either way I am a happy go lucky person and my happiness is what matters as I do not want to go back into a depression ever again, I want to remain happy. I know in the end it is not easy even with someone that has autism since I was young and I just have to somehow deal with it and with the tools I have been given, I need to continue to follow it. 



Chris

Friendships Come and Friendships Go...

         Friendships come and friendships go and I have experienced that recently and there is nothing I can really do about it. I know it hurts with some friendships of 13 years which doesn't much to the other party involved and it hurts honestly. We had plans to take our dads to the Generals hockey game like we use to, we had plans to go to an eviction together, including one of my other friends and now it sounds like Larry and I are going on our own and that fine, I know the route technically and I know how to get ourselves around by now so that is good. I could involve another friend in this if I really wanted to honestly I could include someone else to go with us. Friendships that have been shorter seem to not really bother me I tend to get over it sooner and I am not sure why the heck I feel this way but it is what it is. I am still wrapping my head around all of this and I just do not know what went wrong and friends turned on me or they accuse me of something I never did and want nothing to do then I think it's time I start to make the changes in my life at this point is to find some new friends. I have been within that group of friends for a very long time now and I honestly tired of the drama with some of them and it is time to make some changes in my life. 


             I am not saying that I'm making complete change just gotta figure out who are my true friends and I think at this time I am started to see the people who still truly care about me and are my friends. I guess I shouldn't be so trusting but I am. I am just able to trust people so easily and i should be careful who to trust especially if they've turned on me before in the past and I not using names as I just do not want to cause anymore problems but I am allowed to have an opinion and that is what I am doing currently. I just do not know where I stand with some people and I am regretting gaining a new friendship but it was a test to see if they were going to stay a true friend or not. I am glad I reconnected with someone from ball and we talk quite a lot and I've actually invited him out to the house for my birthday so that will be nice to be around friends but I have friends that I can talk to on a regular basis and I am involved with volunteer work which is good, I can meet new people and never know I will get some new friends down the road! Like I said friends come and friends go and the ones that stay are truly a good friend!



Chris

Depression...

Lately, I have been feeling really depressed with people accusing me of starting drama when they are the one's messaging me and starting the conversation. Then losing 4 friends over that situation, so I think I am staying with the people who care about me, because every time something like this or a friend turns their back on me like the one person did recently and I tell you, when I get depressed it lingers for 4 - 5 days sometimes more... Sometimes I can go out of it where I don't smile anymore... I haven't smiled much lately with the recent drama in my life... Also friends turning on me for no apparent reason as well that is making me a bit on the depressed side. 

That is not the only thing that I am depressed about is the fact I have not been in a relationship with anyone since my EX Girlfriend down in Ohio. I have found it hard and a struggle to find someone I can share with and has the same passions as I do. But someday soon I hope to find a girlfriend and never know where that will take me, I could end up married and maybe even find myself being a dad in the near future. But honestly I just gotta remain being myself and try to laugh a bit more and I have in the last 24 hours now watching the Meathead, Arrrrchie, Little Gorl and The Dingbat aka All In The Family from the 70's. For those who don't me that well yet and who read my blog didn't know I love the old TV comedy shows. So that is my positive get away from the life drama being thrown at me watching a few or in my case almost an entire season of All In The Family. And it lifts up my spirits quickly. Other thing that helps is me listening to T Swift (Taylor Swift)- Shake It Off https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfWlot6h_JM or Avicci- Wake me up! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y_KJAg8bHI  Hope this helps you with depression if you got it and feeling depressed, take a listen to it. 


Have a great Tuesday!


Chris

Had an Awkward Moment Today On The Bus...

Today on my way home from the YMCA, I ran into my friends Terry and Angie and of course my arch nemesis and the person that destroyed my YouTube Channel and I had nothing to say to him, yet he sat there not even offering an apology for what he said to me which shows he don't care or want to apologize. At this point I do not even wanna hear an apology from him since he didn't try to even talk. His problem is he waits months before talking things out with me which harms and damages the friendship I had with him even more to a point I could not give a flying shit about him now... I've moved on. However let me tell you guys it was really awkward for me, wasted 13 years of a friendship with him. I mean if you spend this long being friends with someone and they treat you like trash, telling you to "Get Lost" and go back on their words and just be plain out rude. Also assault you, as you can figure out I was assaulted by him back in 2010 and finding it even more harder to forgive him, hes got no case for me to forgive and forget the crap he caused. 


But it was completely awkward with him being across from me and I couldn't even look at him, I just cannot find it in my heart to forgive him this time, there is no way in hell this time he will get in my good books now, I am clearly done with him now but to see him was the most awkward moment of today. I hate to open old wombs of a damaged friendship and it hurts to run into the person that really, really hurt me to a point I just wanna tell him off but I end up biting my tongue just because I was still fuming at that piece of crap. I am however glad I held back my feelings because that makes a mountain out of a mole which an old saying. What I am trying to say I need positive stuff in my life not the negative and I've been getting rid of the negative people or the people putting me down. Life is too short for negativity. That is why I held back my true feelings but yes I should release it somehow but I know this blog isn't the place for it but I am expressing my feelings how awkward and strange it was to see Eric and this is the first time in about 4 months I have seen him in person. I know what you guys will say is I gotta face him eventually and today seems to be that moment I need to face the music to the people who turned their backs on me. I think I am in the right direction.


Have a great night guys! 


Chris