Taking a Bit of a Step Back This Week

                  Not been in the right place mentally. Fighting with friends, not being respected for wanting space on myself and not listening to drama on the Facebook group. I have done away with the Group and back on the fan page and reached out to people about rejoining via the fan page but we'll see. I hate to come to this point of success on a page then having to shut it down cause of non sense drama.  Starting to wonder if I should of just stayed on the fan page in 2020 and not moved and just ban off the trouble makers. This is my own fault for no sticking to it cause I was well over 60 likes on that page too. I am the one to blame for this mess and I should of just stuck it out on the fan page, the original fan page and not give so many chances. However that is not the point of the post and when I need space, I need space. People need to respect that and I am proud of myself for wanting space but people need to be able to give it to me and when I'm ready I will answer. 

                  Right now I am not all there right now in the head. My head is not all there and maybe it is best I take a step back and just take it easy on myself. I know I promised to be on The After Show With Amy F but maybe it is best I just postpone till Finale and hoping by then things start to settle down for me and get better. I know Amy is going to see this before I have a chance to talk about this but this is just me thinking what is best for me at this moment. I  have even considered not recording an episode for Sunday and take some time away from the podcast which you will still get an episode Thursday but nothing on Sunday, that is my original thoughts at the moment but the show must go on and I promised to be back on YouTube this weekend and I will. Just taking a bit of a backroad this week and NOT work on Power Rangers Collab for the next episode. What I have planned is to take care of my mental health and write some new episodes for my podcast. If I am up to it, edit Samurai which is very  miminal stress on me. So that is what is going on and my post for today, I will be back tomorrow with another random post as I really do not have anything pre scheduled or planned so I will talk to you all tomorrow. 

Chris

I Admit I Haven't Been Myself Lately....

              I do admit it, I haven't been myself and stress and handling so much at once doesn't really help either which is definitely not a good thing. I think I am just taking on too much and letting the drama get to me and that obviously rowels me up and I end up not sleeping at night or I just end up back in a slump again. I think a few things that is probably bothering me is not just the workload for ChrisBOnTheWeb but also since Ruth Ann and Kevin passed, I have struggled with it recently and I am not using this for views I am just being open and honest and I have been keeping it very quiet to today's post and only post I will make. I know it will take some time to heal and I am glad I continued to work on ChrisBOnTheWeb and keep myself busy and probably the best thing to keep busy and my mind off the pain.  

               The next thing is the stuff going on behind the scenes here and it has been completely crazy drama recently and I am trying to steer clear of it happening but it's been almost a week since it happened and things have slowly quieted down for us and we're doing everything that we can to make sure there is no more problems. Anyways let's move on to my mental health has not been the best lately with this pandemic recently and it's actually started to drag me down where I have been stuck in the house a lot more then usual and just not use to being at home all the time, I am use to going out, being with friends, going to Staples and I know I have to hang in there and there will be a day and time when I will be able to do that all again hopefully soon but for the most I have to get my parents to drive me and pick me up which is fine with me. I will bounced back and I already have, I have been smiling in the last 12 + hours and it is definitely a start. I am just taking it one day at a time and the fact I have started being up during the night again doesn't help but I am going to lie down and sleep when my body tells me to. I think it has to do with the fact I do not really go anywhere and that I am home majority of the time so my body is a bit thrown off but again I am taking one day at a time and honestly that is what I need to do.

Chris

I Am Over 2020.. SMH!

            I am so over this year. This year has been the worse not just me, ChrisBOnTheWeb... I had a host for Big Brother Canada Recaps but things ended up going wrong and not just the start of things Big Brother Canada was shortened and of course the podcast you all knew and loved was cancelled entirely as we just did not know what was to happen in the way of Reality TV Shows minus Big Brother 22, Tough As Nails and Amazing Race. We found out there will be no Survivor and I was just getting so overwhelmed with it, I ended up turning the podcast loose and it has been archived. Don't get me wrong Reality Teas, Billy and Larry were great through all the things and they were right I had to do what makes me happy.  Anyways on top of that I had 2 people I knew, one from softball and the other person I knew from High School which she was a classmate of mine in Home Ech. So this year has had it's up's and down with depression and frustrations to mental health being really bad this year. 

           I am just over with 2020 and with this virus or pandemic, it's really made me to readjust my everyday schedule even for myself and the Staff of ChrisBOnTheWeb. As you know I put our studio on lock down  Anyways I am just ready for 2021 and a fresh start to a new year to be honest as I am just tired of all of this and it's been nothing but one thing after another to be honest. Another thing I would like to mention I have been on and off with the depression since being locked up in the house for the past but I am trying to hang in there to be honest but 2020 really stunk this year. I am just ready for Christmas and the New Year to come and bring in a new year for us. I just cannot wait till I have freedom to roam around the city again and I know that day is going to come. I already spoke about my parents taking me to the mall and I take the bus back but that's much later, I am not ready for that stage yet. I am only taking 5 - 12 minute bus trips for now as I am still very much uncomfortable right now. Anyways I cannot wait till the end of the year and wish it would HURRY UP! lol.

Chris

2 Weeks In Self Isolation!

           It has been 2 weeks since I have been in self isolation and honestly going a little crazy and been sleeping a ton during the day and up the night time working on things so right now I am the complete opposite of what my sleep was when I was out and about and honestly. However when I was up and about what did I do? I worked on the podcast obviously and made sure it was up on time and that has obviously been an issue lately with me getting it up on time. However you guys still get the podcast one way or another but I need to get back on track. Also I have been trying to watch Power Rangers Time Force and going to be working on that today after my 15 - 20 min outing to the bank so I am able to pay my parents for rent or my butt is out the door but I know they wouldn't do that. One thing I do not really have to do is get my bus pass and I need to get in touch with the transit company here to find out where I can get it as things that aren't essential are closed right now due to the virus.  Either way I am still working on things and as I said in Sunday post, I am working on things slowly at a slower pace but I think with me not sleeping well is coming to an end and I will get a more steady sleep. 


              So with that please bare with me through this hard times and I can honestly I haven't been myself,  I have been depressed and just fed up of being at home 24-7. I know it is what we have to do right now and gotta deal with it and try and hang in there but again I have really and am struggling on a daily basis and not sure how much longer my mental health can take it honestly. However everyday I am fighting the mental health and depression and honestly it is one day at a time and I've had headaches cause I'm stressing myself out and just cannot wait till things get back to normal honestly and when is the question as I'm not doing well mentally and nothing I can do to help me cope with being home 24-7. I am going to the cemetery with my dad to take down wreaths  and don't worry I will be safe as I am going to be in the car and there will not be anyone there so I should be OK but having second thoughts going now but my parents understand why I don't wanna go but I have to decide soon what I wanna do. I can stay in the car if I wish and might just do that but again I gotta do what's best for me and my friends told me to go it'll be good for me so I am going to do that and from here on out after that I am back in Isolation and staying in my area. No more long trips.



Chris

My Mental Health Is Not Great & Updates....

            My sleep is really weird right now and probably has to do with being isolated for nearly 2 weeks now and honestly will be talking about that this week on Tuesday if I remember correctly to when that post is going up. I have found myself sleeping way to early and up during the night like I use to which I really wanna get myself back to a normal routine even with me home 24-7 recently and just hope this is over soon as I am struggling on a daily basis and I just do not know how much longer I can hold out being in isolation but don't forget I am with my parents so that gives me someone to talk to honestly. However what I really meant is I'd like to see other people as it has been hard not to see friends and even texting, IM chatting online or Discord/Skype but more in person. I kind of feel what the sims feels at time desolate not seeing other people and I am starting to sound like Sims. I know my parents been trying to keep me occupied during these tough times. I know I haven't been the most impatient person during these tough times but there is nothing I can do. I can go out for walks and plan to go to the bank with my mom to get out of my area and isn't far to go really. However I am going to more then likely stay in the car but we'll see how I feel. 


             I really haven't been too motivated to do much and trying to get the content out to you guys as much as I can and trying some new things out for the podcast. I think this week I will be taking a small break from bonus episodes but promise you guys I will get back to a every second week schedule after this week.  I am also taking my time off and I may change my time off schedule and work Monday through Fridays this way I take off weekends which means I need to keep to my schedule which is:

7 Days a Week: Blog posts
Sundays: Entertainment Man Podcast- post up the episode @ 1 pm EST
Wednesdays: Entertainment Man Bonus Podcast- Record Bonus episode
                        Entertainment Man Podcast- Record Regular episode
Thursdays: Entertainment Man Podcast- post up bonus episode @ 1 pm EST (Every second week)
Fridays: Entertainment Man Podcast- Sneak Peek @ 1 pm EST


            There is my timetable honestly and looks very busy but the odd weeks that I am not doing the bonus I will always be doing other content or getting that content ready but this schedule will be temporary as I think working during the week is what I need so this will all start Tuesday so tomorrow I will be off then Tuesday through Friday then off during the weekends for the time being until this "Self Isolation" is done and could be another 2 - 3 months where I will not be able to get out but it depends how quickly they can get the vaccine figured out and it will take time to make it and test it out and then administer it to everyone. So I will hang in there and I will talk further what I have been up to during self isolation on Tuesday.



Chris

Couple of Updates I Want To Give You Guys!

                The last 24 hours has been a lot of drama but it will not be tolerated as I was extremely stressed out all day yesterday. I almost went on a Leave of Absence but it wouldn't had made sense as the blog and social media pages would be pretty silent.  I just do not want to go silent on you guys and I want to stay as active as possible. So that is the first thing I wanted to tell you guys. 


-  The next thing is some great news! I am officially got access to ITunes PodcastConnect and able to login again. Switched the information incase this happens again. So what I have done this morning is go ahead and submitted The Entertainment Man Podcast to the platform for approval so we will once again be back onto ITunes.

- Also the second thing I want to tell you guys we officially got approved onto TuneIn.com as I got the confirmation email in the CBOTW Email this morning so that is great and hope to have a full update soon on the platforms it is up.

- The third thing is the issue with Google Chrome it was our Chrome here in the studio that was the issue we were having and it was us and we are working around the clock to fixing that as right now we are using Firefox while we try and correct this issue.

- Finally we surpassed 70,000 (70K) here on the website which is incredible growth to the website and I never thought within a year of having the .com domain it would become so huge thing and it has done extremely well for us and we want to continue to grow and get bigger as we continue to grow this website. We get over 100 views a day and it continues to grow each and everyday.


               Those are the updates and what has been going on and I am feeling a tad bit better and today will be about my mental health today and getting back to a happier Chris. I know I am suppose to record today and I am going to try to even if it is this evening I will try and record so I can edit tomorrow throughout the day tomorrow and get that preview ready for you guys as I enjoy posting those up every week and  you guys seem to really enjoy getting a sneak peek and I plan on continuing with those to hype you guys for Sunday!

 

Chris

My Mental Health Is Better Then It Has Been!

              I can be honest with you guys, my mental health has been better then it has been. I mean with friends turning on me this year, my mental health got bad again and I really had to deal with hence one of the reasons I stopped volunteering this year to deal with myself first. My mental health and well-being is the upmost importance to me at this time. I have been working on getting myself a lot happier and it has been honestly an uphill battle especially with dealing with Everything About Reality TV and what I really wanna do if I wanted to continue or just call it quits with it and honestly I think this one of the reasons I have been down and not myself as this podcast has really brought me down and I can say 4 years, 12 seasons, over 240 + Episodes it is the right time to stop the podcast and move on and I am happier now with the right decisions. I have to think what is best for me and makes me the happiest and this is the best decision. Now with friends, like I said I know who my friends are after losing 2 friends I know who my real friends are and happy with the friends I got right now. I am feeling so much better that I have control of my own life and not let anyone get in the way. Eric really opened up my mind in the past few weeks and has made me think so that has helped me.


                I can say I am in a much happier place now and nothing will stop my happiness and one thing I am planning on doing is staying positive and it has helped me as the more positive I am the better things are for me. I have been thinking things a lot more clearly and sometimes I will talk things out in my studio and figure things out. Also I have been thinking about the pros and cons of things and honestly it has helped me. Either way I am a lot happier and able to think clearly, however with my podcast ending, it will really help me clear up but give me a few weeks and the motivation and happiness will be up but right now I have to focus on finishing up the podcast then take the next step. That is another thing, I am able to take baby steps and one step at a time as some things are a step by step but I have to also take one day at a time and that seems to help as well. Either way I am a happy go lucky person and my happiness is what matters as I do not want to go back into a depression ever again, I want to remain happy. I know in the end it is not easy even with someone that has autism since I was young and I just have to somehow deal with it and with the tools I have been given, I need to continue to follow it. 



Chris

Mental Health Has Not Been So Great Lately....

          I have to say today's post wasn't easy to come up with and I say starting at the blank canvas of the blog on the back side of the website trying to come up with what to write and it finally came to me I want to talk about my Mental Health recently. First of all I was going to do a food review but then I ate before leaving to go out to Pickering for the day so that food review was thrown out the window but will happen again in the very nearby future indeed next time we are out there, I promise to do that for sure! Now my mental health hasn't been great and it started at the end of July into early with a situation which I will not name any names but I asked them to leave a group I run and come back as I did something stupid and they did only half so I think that is when the stress started was from there. Then being blocked for no reason but really I do not care at this point what they do, I won't say anything to them from here on out and that is honestly my choice I can only make. Also I lost friends over the weekend which I did something I regret doing now and that is I scratched my hand open and haven't done that in months now and honestly I do not want to be doing this to myself ever again. I need to work on that and I am going to. I have been self talking myself out of it but for the most part it has worked but I need to add one more thing to ensure it doesn't happen again. Now I was suppose to volunteer at a Kar Show Friday but I started to feel overwhelmed and I made the decision to focus on my mental health right now.


              Today is a better day so far but every couple of days I seem to still have those moments and I just do not know why it's happening. Maybe I am just am just overwhelmed right now and I am letting it just get to me perhaps. I shouldn't but least I am now recognizing what is going on with me in my life and it has indeed helped me in the long run but still work to be done honestly. However the fact I am able to know what is going on with me is a big plus. I honestly think that there is too much going on for me right now from keeping up with blog posts, podcasts and some other stuff that involves this very website that has now been put up on hold for right now. I will be talking about it this evening on the blog here so do not worry but right now I have to figure things right now and it is all about me right now and focusing on myself which is now a priority right now.



Chris