I Admit I've Been Stressed and Depressed...

            As you saw yesterday, I was a bit of stressed but also my depression has been bad since my grandma passed things have been all over the place and the fact I am now opening up a little over 2 months later, I couldn't hide the truth why sometimes, I have been either quiet or going off about stuff and to be honest I should of said something sooner not hide it by having my Community Manager stalling things for me and just telling you guys I needed space right now as I am doing personal things right now. That is the personal things going on with me right now. It will take some time for me to heal but I just need this drama to end as I cannot always be around, there is content to do and what not. 

               Not only that, trying to keep up with Power Rangers Collab hasn't been the best something always came up where I am unable to work on it. I have been trying and I want to get it done and finished by the end of July and why the schedule has been shifted about numerous times but we're getting there. As you know the anniversaries came first before anything else then June and so forth. Anyways that is what has been going on with me and the truth is out and for now on there will be an open door policy moving forward. I will talk to you all tomorrow.

Chris

Been Feeling Distant From ChrisBOnTheWeb and Creating Content

                 The last few days have been rough since Friday night and someone saying really rude things to me that helped me with the notes stuff and your wondering how they are able to i scanned the notes and sent them over that's how I did it. Anyways last time I really worked on any of that was Thursday when I worked the entire day to get myself to EP # 15 as I said in yesterday's blog post. Yesterday I most definitely did work on it to ensure I get it finished this week so I can start working on the next one and try and keep on a schedule as I have had questions to when the next recording is as him and I are now not on speaking terms again and kind of my own fault for going off and maybe I just need a few days away from him to think things through and right now I have him on ignore but that could change later on. Yes we are behind schedule and we're trying to catch up on this and with me always getting mad and threatening to stop the podcast again. I am at a point this has become a common thread that I am unsure with the future of this podcast and the fact I am unsure if I wanna continue. I can say this, Larry and I almost 2 weeks ago spoke about the end point of the Power Rangers Collaboration Podcast but really I never want it to end at this point. It gives me that time to spend with Larry even if it is through Skype with these uncertainty of times for all of us. 

               I am really struggling with getting things done and one day at a time and I know Larry will talk things out with me. Little tidbit I wasn't planning to record the next Collab Podcast till March of April technically. I wanna make sure we are back on track again and ensure we are on the right path. I know I have not bee in the greatest spirit and I appreciate each one of you reaching out me and I promise you guys I am getting back to the grind and I will announce to when the podcast notes is done and the announcement to when Larry and I are recording and don't worry it's not far off. It can sooner then you think. Like I said to Eric, I have that I don't really care attitude as I'm not letting trolls bother me no more.

Chris

I Admit I Haven't Been Myself Lately....

              I do admit it, I haven't been myself and stress and handling so much at once doesn't really help either which is definitely not a good thing. I think I am just taking on too much and letting the drama get to me and that obviously rowels me up and I end up not sleeping at night or I just end up back in a slump again. I think a few things that is probably bothering me is not just the workload for ChrisBOnTheWeb but also since Ruth Ann and Kevin passed, I have struggled with it recently and I am not using this for views I am just being open and honest and I have been keeping it very quiet to today's post and only post I will make. I know it will take some time to heal and I am glad I continued to work on ChrisBOnTheWeb and keep myself busy and probably the best thing to keep busy and my mind off the pain.  

               The next thing is the stuff going on behind the scenes here and it has been completely crazy drama recently and I am trying to steer clear of it happening but it's been almost a week since it happened and things have slowly quieted down for us and we're doing everything that we can to make sure there is no more problems. Anyways let's move on to my mental health has not been the best lately with this pandemic recently and it's actually started to drag me down where I have been stuck in the house a lot more then usual and just not use to being at home all the time, I am use to going out, being with friends, going to Staples and I know I have to hang in there and there will be a day and time when I will be able to do that all again hopefully soon but for the most I have to get my parents to drive me and pick me up which is fine with me. I will bounced back and I already have, I have been smiling in the last 12 + hours and it is definitely a start. I am just taking it one day at a time and the fact I have started being up during the night again doesn't help but I am going to lie down and sleep when my body tells me to. I think it has to do with the fact I do not really go anywhere and that I am home majority of the time so my body is a bit thrown off but again I am taking one day at a time and honestly that is what I need to do.

Chris

I Am Over 2020.. SMH!

            I am so over this year. This year has been the worse not just me, ChrisBOnTheWeb... I had a host for Big Brother Canada Recaps but things ended up going wrong and not just the start of things Big Brother Canada was shortened and of course the podcast you all knew and loved was cancelled entirely as we just did not know what was to happen in the way of Reality TV Shows minus Big Brother 22, Tough As Nails and Amazing Race. We found out there will be no Survivor and I was just getting so overwhelmed with it, I ended up turning the podcast loose and it has been archived. Don't get me wrong Reality Teas, Billy and Larry were great through all the things and they were right I had to do what makes me happy.  Anyways on top of that I had 2 people I knew, one from softball and the other person I knew from High School which she was a classmate of mine in Home Ech. So this year has had it's up's and down with depression and frustrations to mental health being really bad this year. 

           I am just over with 2020 and with this virus or pandemic, it's really made me to readjust my everyday schedule even for myself and the Staff of ChrisBOnTheWeb. As you know I put our studio on lock down  Anyways I am just ready for 2021 and a fresh start to a new year to be honest as I am just tired of all of this and it's been nothing but one thing after another to be honest. Another thing I would like to mention I have been on and off with the depression since being locked up in the house for the past but I am trying to hang in there to be honest but 2020 really stunk this year. I am just ready for Christmas and the New Year to come and bring in a new year for us. I just cannot wait till I have freedom to roam around the city again and I know that day is going to come. I already spoke about my parents taking me to the mall and I take the bus back but that's much later, I am not ready for that stage yet. I am only taking 5 - 12 minute bus trips for now as I am still very much uncomfortable right now. Anyways I cannot wait till the end of the year and wish it would HURRY UP! lol.

Chris

I Just Do Not Know Anymore...

               Friendships has been tested this year between 3 friendships which are now done, I am at a point, I just do not want to do Chris B On The Web for what I was doing before. I know I have become quite popular with Everything About Reality TV but honestly since the friendship I have made a decision maybe I need to step down from the Big Brother 21 and Amazing Race Canada 7 recaps for the summer, however I do not have anyone to replace me, so I am stuck with the recaps but I maybe I just need to get the heck away from here for 6 days and yes I am referring to the holiday I am taking. I just cannot be done with Everything About Reality TV like that, I have gained so many listeners over time and to quit now while I have a good momentum with viewership and now adding on to the list Twitch.TV as a video platform since I am refusing the heck out of YouTube as the platform is not like it use to honestly.  Right now it is hard for me to even think about the podcast even though I made a plan to continue on with the podcast but right now, I am starting to have second thoughts. I know this podcast has been running since September 2015 which this year marks the 4th year of it being on the air, I just do not wanna to let you guys down and I am made so many strides in the last year with being reached out by companies and of course network that reached out to me about covering Music City so there is reason why this podcast has stayed around such a long time.


               I honestly do not know what to do, I lost pretty much all my listeners on Twitch and have to start from scratch again, this is why I wanted to stay Audio ONLY and unsure if to go to YouTube or Twitch or where as my Twitch account is on it's last leg as it has been banned twice so I really have to be careful but I never really thought about doing video whatsoever with the podcast and even before getting more and more requests to do the podcast live, I just not sure if it is the right fit for it honestly but giving it a go indefinitely and I know I have people interested and maybe once I get the ball rolling with the podcast it will be a lot more busier in the chatroom but do not forget I am just started out. I should just try and go with the flow and maybe I am just over thinking things especially with going away this Friday and nervous for when I return home to catching back up with it. It will all work out in the end and I am sure I'll be just fine. I just gotta get through being down and depressed and being around a friend is what I just need tomorrow and I cannot wait to hangout with them.




Chris