Showing posts with label down. Show all posts
Showing posts with label down. Show all posts

Monday, July 1, 2019

I Just Do Not Know Anymore...

               Friendships has been tested this year between 3 friendships which are now done, I am at a point, I just do not want to do Chris B On The Web for what I was doing before. I know I have become quite popular with Everything About Reality TV but honestly since the friendship I have made a decision maybe I need to step down from the Big Brother 21 and Amazing Race Canada 7 recaps for the summer, however I do not have anyone to replace me, so I am stuck with the recaps but I maybe I just need to get the heck away from here for 6 days and yes I am referring to the holiday I am taking. I just cannot be done with Everything About Reality TV like that, I have gained so many listeners over time and to quit now while I have a good momentum with viewership and now adding on to the list Twitch.TV as a video platform since I am refusing the heck out of YouTube as the platform is not like it use to honestly.  Right now it is hard for me to even think about the podcast even though I made a plan to continue on with the podcast but right now, I am starting to have second thoughts. I know this podcast has been running since September 2015 which this year marks the 4th year of it being on the air, I just do not wanna to let you guys down and I am made so many strides in the last year with being reached out by companies and of course network that reached out to me about covering Music City so there is reason why this podcast has stayed around such a long time.

               I honestly do not know what to do, I lost pretty much all my listeners on Twitch and have to start from scratch again, this is why I wanted to stay Audio ONLY and unsure if to go to YouTube or Twitch or where as my Twitch account is on it's last leg as it has been banned twice so I really have to be careful but I never really thought about doing video whatsoever with the podcast and even before getting more and more requests to do the podcast live, I just not sure if it is the right fit for it honestly but giving it a go indefinitely and I know I have people interested and maybe once I get the ball rolling with the podcast it will be a lot more busier in the chatroom but do not forget I am just started out. I should just try and go with the flow and maybe I am just over thinking things especially with going away this Friday and nervous for when I return home to catching back up with it. It will all work out in the end and I am sure I'll be just fine. I just gotta get through being down and depressed and being around a friend is what I just need tomorrow and I cannot wait to hangout with them.


Monday, November 12, 2018

Having Chris B On The Web Blues Again....

             Yes the question to today's post, I was feeling really down and the depression was setting in pretty quick when I had a heck of a lot of time on my hands when I didn't have to plan out YouTube videos. At the point of me ending everything for YouTube, it was a weight off my shoulder but in the long run I felt like The Entertainment Man Talk Show was a complete failure like Durham Entertainment Today ended because it ended the same way The Entertainment Man Talk Show did. It was like dejavu all over again and today I started to think about me leaving YouTube and the series ending out of nowhere and how my channel went downhill very quickly. I haven't been this low in about a year and a half now and not sure why I am having Chris B On The Web Blues again. I thought I would be over leaving YouTube but sometimes when I am on my own, not around friends whatsoever I think I let my mind wander off in my own studio which does not help the situation at all.  I have been struggling honestly to rebuild Chris B On The Web and the last 2 years hasn't been an easy re-build but things are slowly settling into place. As you know I have added on The CBOTW Show as a second podcast and I am right on track with all the podcasts at the moment so that shouldn't be dragging me down but the real test is about to come in the New Year when I will be jammed packed in podcasts for "Everything About Reality TV" will be interesting test on top of The CBOTW Show's Music City CMT & Last Man Standing, I will be one busy bee. 

                 Also I think the fact that I am dealing with some personal issues which I rather not disclose what is really going on but I am dealing with a lot right now and it is quite difficult. As right now I am an emotional mess as I went off on several people tonight and I am not happy about it but I think I did what I didn't normally do is talk things out or listen but recently I just been flying off the handle and people pushing my buttons doesn't help which will bring in tomorrow's blog post which I have been dreading to write tomorrow but will be done and I know I have touched on friendships but that is probably one of the reasons why my motivation with Chris B On The Web is lower then usual right now which I will touch on that a lot more tomorrow then tonight as right now as I am sitting here trying to word things properly and my mind is just wondering again and it is quite difficult for me to function but nothing like a good nights sleep to get rested up for another long day.  That is tonight's blog post and I apologize for it being so late but I had a busy day with appointments and running errands to get ready for Saturday's trip out of town for several hours and I will be hinting on Instagram where I am with my friend Dave.


Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Having The I Miss YouTube Blues....

          With the 2 year anniversary of me leaving YouTube, I admit recently, I feel like I miss YouTube as a whole and I really shouldn't be feeling like this, thought I was over YouTube after a year to a year and a half later on but I guess not... I kind of felt the same way with the supposedly 10th Birthday of The Entertainment Man Talk Show few weeks back on the 23rd of last month. I mean, I'm happy in the podcasts on Audio ONLY and seen quite amazing growth with it, wish I could go back to do the podcast LIVE on YouTube but again, I need to remember I had such an amazing run on YouTube, I had my time on the platform and I am now doing what I love to do and that is podcasting and mind you things have progressed quite well so to speak. 

            Maybe I am actually thinking about the 2 year anniversary, that's all, that could be all, I just having bad memories on how things ended for me? That is what I am thinking, I could just be thinking about the way things ended. I mean everything is coming flowing back with the way things ended, Eric & Larry quitting on me. The Entertainment Man Talk Show ending, me being all over the place towards the end, being unsure.  However, it is still tough to this day, almost 2 years later and I thought I would be over this but apparently I am not for some really odd reason and I just cannot pinpoint why I am suddenly feeling this odd feelings of regret.

            However, I need to realize, I am happier with podcasting and it has indeed been a whirlwind of excitement and craziness with the scheduling of each and every episode of Everything About Reality TV & The CBOTW Show Podcasts. I am always on YouTube still subscribed to my favorite channels still and watch them on my spare time as well, so I am very much still active in the YouTube community but rarely comment on videos but will from time to time if I have a comment to say but I am still part of the community as a listener and fan, not creating content for you guys on the platform anymore.