Been Feeling Distant From ChrisBOnTheWeb and Creating Content

                 The last few days have been rough since Friday night and someone saying really rude things to me that helped me with the notes stuff and your wondering how they are able to i scanned the notes and sent them over that's how I did it. Anyways last time I really worked on any of that was Thursday when I worked the entire day to get myself to EP # 15 as I said in yesterday's blog post. Yesterday I most definitely did work on it to ensure I get it finished this week so I can start working on the next one and try and keep on a schedule as I have had questions to when the next recording is as him and I are now not on speaking terms again and kind of my own fault for going off and maybe I just need a few days away from him to think things through and right now I have him on ignore but that could change later on. Yes we are behind schedule and we're trying to catch up on this and with me always getting mad and threatening to stop the podcast again. I am at a point this has become a common thread that I am unsure with the future of this podcast and the fact I am unsure if I wanna continue. I can say this, Larry and I almost 2 weeks ago spoke about the end point of the Power Rangers Collaboration Podcast but really I never want it to end at this point. It gives me that time to spend with Larry even if it is through Skype with these uncertainty of times for all of us. 

               I am really struggling with getting things done and one day at a time and I know Larry will talk things out with me. Little tidbit I wasn't planning to record the next Collab Podcast till March of April technically. I wanna make sure we are back on track again and ensure we are on the right path. I know I have not bee in the greatest spirit and I appreciate each one of you reaching out me and I promise you guys I am getting back to the grind and I will announce to when the podcast notes is done and the announcement to when Larry and I are recording and don't worry it's not far off. It can sooner then you think. Like I said to Eric, I have that I don't really care attitude as I'm not letting trolls bother me no more.

Chris

I Just Do Not Know Anymore...

               Friendships has been tested this year between 3 friendships which are now done, I am at a point, I just do not want to do Chris B On The Web for what I was doing before. I know I have become quite popular with Everything About Reality TV but honestly since the friendship I have made a decision maybe I need to step down from the Big Brother 21 and Amazing Race Canada 7 recaps for the summer, however I do not have anyone to replace me, so I am stuck with the recaps but I maybe I just need to get the heck away from here for 6 days and yes I am referring to the holiday I am taking. I just cannot be done with Everything About Reality TV like that, I have gained so many listeners over time and to quit now while I have a good momentum with viewership and now adding on to the list Twitch.TV as a video platform since I am refusing the heck out of YouTube as the platform is not like it use to honestly.  Right now it is hard for me to even think about the podcast even though I made a plan to continue on with the podcast but right now, I am starting to have second thoughts. I know this podcast has been running since September 2015 which this year marks the 4th year of it being on the air, I just do not wanna to let you guys down and I am made so many strides in the last year with being reached out by companies and of course network that reached out to me about covering Music City so there is reason why this podcast has stayed around such a long time.


               I honestly do not know what to do, I lost pretty much all my listeners on Twitch and have to start from scratch again, this is why I wanted to stay Audio ONLY and unsure if to go to YouTube or Twitch or where as my Twitch account is on it's last leg as it has been banned twice so I really have to be careful but I never really thought about doing video whatsoever with the podcast and even before getting more and more requests to do the podcast live, I just not sure if it is the right fit for it honestly but giving it a go indefinitely and I know I have people interested and maybe once I get the ball rolling with the podcast it will be a lot more busier in the chatroom but do not forget I am just started out. I should just try and go with the flow and maybe I am just over thinking things especially with going away this Friday and nervous for when I return home to catching back up with it. It will all work out in the end and I am sure I'll be just fine. I just gotta get through being down and depressed and being around a friend is what I just need tomorrow and I cannot wait to hangout with them.




Chris

My Confidence and Motivation Has Been Up and Down Lately...

             First part of this post I would like to talk about is my confidence. I haven't honestly been myself lately. It has been a struggle on a daily basis to get things done on a timely matter which last night was a prime example as Everything About Reality TV was extremely late last night and I will retweet it again in case you guys missed it from late last night. Now I need and promised you guys to be on track and going to try my hardest for the rest of the week. I just gotta get the confidence back and being able to believe in myself which has honestly been shaken. I have been feeling like I can't do this and I was ready to just give up honestly. However over the last couple of years, I have been teaching myself to not quit and give up, to keep the faith in myself and it has helped but this has been one of the hardest times for me with Season 10 of my podcast spanning from end of February to the end of this month (June) it has taken a toll on me as it has been the longest season I have done yet to this day.  However, I was all for the longer season and I am currently struggling with the transition. We all our struggles from time to time and it isn't easy but we seem to get through things. I think now I am feeling a lot more confident now then I did a 24 - 48 hours ago, I just figured out the issue or issues and from there solve the problem then things suddenly sound great again. I had a bit of an argument over our holiday with my parents as I do not like to know last minute. That isn't me, I like to know in advance not the last possible moment. So that didn't help as I needed to tie loose ends before the podcast is on a week and a half hiatus since I will be away down in the U.S. in Boston for 6 days from July 5th - and back on the 11th. But all of that will be explained on Thursday as I have all the information for you guys what is going on and originally was going to do a throwback Thursday story but I am going to wait a week for it.


              The next point and the last point in this post is the motivation. Recently I haven't felt the motivation to get ahead of the game and I hoped to get it done by Friday night but then I could of stayed up extremely late and recorded and start the editing process but I didn't. Plus my sleep has been dragging me down to a point I just wasn't motivated enough to continue on working on it but either way it went up but usually I am very motivated usually but recently that hasn't been the case and maybe I was just tired and the lack of sleep I was getting at the time so that could of had a lot to do with the fact as well. But either way or, I am back to writing posts for the days I am away from CBOTW and you will be seeing over the next few days an updated schedule again here on the website with the vacation day and podcast revised schedule. I will talk more about it by Thursday as I said. It will take some time to build up my confidence and motivation and just gotta keep working on it and not giving up.




Chris 


            

This Week Hasn't Been a Great Week For Me...

               This week hasn't been the greatest week for me in the way of Chris B On The Web. This week, I feel like I have let myself down, let YOU guys the fans down with not following my podcast schedule this week. Yea my mood this week has been up and down and been feeling like why am I doing this if I cannot handle the scheduling side of things but I know I can! Just I need to start getting into bed earlier and get my sleep back on the right track could be the one of the issues I could be having. Usually and I do not talk about my schedule publicly minus to me posting up pictures Behind The Scenes here in my studio that is all you guys really know. I try and aim to record in the early morning so it gives me hours to edit as it is released in the evening but sometimes I have appointments, friends to see but you guys still have the # 1 priority and I hate to disappoint you guys honestly and that is how I am feeling this week, like I've let you guys down. However I made it up with posting up the episode today at 3 pm EST which is currently already out for you guys as you are all reading this after it got posted up. Also I think I have had the YouTube blues as I haven't been on the platform in almost 3 years creating content for you guys. Starting to miss it but I know I have to realize that I retired from YouTube and nothing can really change that as I missed the chance to keep it on going no matter what. Honestly the podcast has done extremely well on the Audio ONLY and has been nothing but a huge success.


                I also have to realize the state of YouTube now compare to when I was still on the darn platform it has changed rapidly. Maybe I kept on thinking about it over and over again which got me into those bit of depression moods again which I rather not get into em as they sometimes last a couple of days till I get out of it. I rather try and stay in a happy state of mind but I guess it can be the way my body is from time to time I guess.  Yes we all get the blues here and there but I think partly is the weather is the blame as the weather here has been changing non stop lately and could have a factor too. Either way, I will figure it out why I am feeling this way and I am sure it will pass in time.




Chris

Having Chris B On The Web Blues Again....

             Yes the question to today's post, I was feeling really down and the depression was setting in pretty quick when I had a heck of a lot of time on my hands when I didn't have to plan out YouTube videos. At the point of me ending everything for YouTube, it was a weight off my shoulder but in the long run I felt like The Entertainment Man Talk Show was a complete failure like Durham Entertainment Today ended because it ended the same way The Entertainment Man Talk Show did. It was like dejavu all over again and today I started to think about me leaving YouTube and the series ending out of nowhere and how my channel went downhill very quickly. I haven't been this low in about a year and a half now and not sure why I am having Chris B On The Web Blues again. I thought I would be over leaving YouTube but sometimes when I am on my own, not around friends whatsoever I think I let my mind wander off in my own studio which does not help the situation at all.  I have been struggling honestly to rebuild Chris B On The Web and the last 2 years hasn't been an easy re-build but things are slowly settling into place. As you know I have added on The CBOTW Show as a second podcast and I am right on track with all the podcasts at the moment so that shouldn't be dragging me down but the real test is about to come in the New Year when I will be jammed packed in podcasts for "Everything About Reality TV" will be interesting test on top of The CBOTW Show's Music City CMT & Last Man Standing, I will be one busy bee. 


                 Also I think the fact that I am dealing with some personal issues which I rather not disclose what is really going on but I am dealing with a lot right now and it is quite difficult. As right now I am an emotional mess as I went off on several people tonight and I am not happy about it but I think I did what I didn't normally do is talk things out or listen but recently I just been flying off the handle and people pushing my buttons doesn't help which will bring in tomorrow's blog post which I have been dreading to write tomorrow but will be done and I know I have touched on friendships but that is probably one of the reasons why my motivation with Chris B On The Web is lower then usual right now which I will touch on that a lot more tomorrow then tonight as right now as I am sitting here trying to word things properly and my mind is just wondering again and it is quite difficult for me to function but nothing like a good nights sleep to get rested up for another long day.  That is tonight's blog post and I apologize for it being so late but I had a busy day with appointments and running errands to get ready for Saturday's trip out of town for several hours and I will be hinting on Instagram where I am with my friend Dave.



Chris

Having The I Miss YouTube Blues....

          With the 2 year anniversary of me leaving YouTube, I admit recently, I feel like I miss YouTube as a whole and I really shouldn't be feeling like this, thought I was over YouTube after a year to a year and a half later on but I guess not... I kind of felt the same way with the supposedly 10th Birthday of The Entertainment Man Talk Show few weeks back on the 23rd of last month. I mean, I'm happy in the podcasts on Audio ONLY and seen quite amazing growth with it, wish I could go back to do the podcast LIVE on YouTube but again, I need to remember I had such an amazing run on YouTube, I had my time on the platform and I am now doing what I love to do and that is podcasting and mind you things have progressed quite well so to speak. 

            Maybe I am actually thinking about the 2 year anniversary, that's all, that could be all, I just having bad memories on how things ended for me? That is what I am thinking, I could just be thinking about the way things ended. I mean everything is coming flowing back with the way things ended, Eric & Larry quitting on me. The Entertainment Man Talk Show ending, me being all over the place towards the end, being unsure.  However, it is still tough to this day, almost 2 years later and I thought I would be over this but apparently I am not for some really odd reason and I just cannot pinpoint why I am suddenly feeling this odd feelings of regret.

            However, I need to realize, I am happier with podcasting and it has indeed been a whirlwind of excitement and craziness with the scheduling of each and every episode of Everything About Reality TV & The CBOTW Show Podcasts. I am always on YouTube still subscribed to my favorite channels still and watch them on my spare time as well, so I am very much still active in the YouTube community but rarely comment on videos but will from time to time if I have a comment to say but I am still part of the community as a listener and fan, not creating content for you guys on the platform anymore. 

Chris