I Admit I Haven't Been Myself Lately....

              I do admit it, I haven't been myself and stress and handling so much at once doesn't really help either which is definitely not a good thing. I think I am just taking on too much and letting the drama get to me and that obviously rowels me up and I end up not sleeping at night or I just end up back in a slump again. I think a few things that is probably bothering me is not just the workload for ChrisBOnTheWeb but also since Ruth Ann and Kevin passed, I have struggled with it recently and I am not using this for views I am just being open and honest and I have been keeping it very quiet to today's post and only post I will make. I know it will take some time to heal and I am glad I continued to work on ChrisBOnTheWeb and keep myself busy and probably the best thing to keep busy and my mind off the pain.  

               The next thing is the stuff going on behind the scenes here and it has been completely crazy drama recently and I am trying to steer clear of it happening but it's been almost a week since it happened and things have slowly quieted down for us and we're doing everything that we can to make sure there is no more problems. Anyways let's move on to my mental health has not been the best lately with this pandemic recently and it's actually started to drag me down where I have been stuck in the house a lot more then usual and just not use to being at home all the time, I am use to going out, being with friends, going to Staples and I know I have to hang in there and there will be a day and time when I will be able to do that all again hopefully soon but for the most I have to get my parents to drive me and pick me up which is fine with me. I will bounced back and I already have, I have been smiling in the last 12 + hours and it is definitely a start. I am just taking it one day at a time and the fact I have started being up during the night again doesn't help but I am going to lie down and sleep when my body tells me to. I think it has to do with the fact I do not really go anywhere and that I am home majority of the time so my body is a bit thrown off but again I am taking one day at a time and honestly that is what I need to do.

Chris

I Am Over 2020.. SMH!

            I am so over this year. This year has been the worse not just me, ChrisBOnTheWeb... I had a host for Big Brother Canada Recaps but things ended up going wrong and not just the start of things Big Brother Canada was shortened and of course the podcast you all knew and loved was cancelled entirely as we just did not know what was to happen in the way of Reality TV Shows minus Big Brother 22, Tough As Nails and Amazing Race. We found out there will be no Survivor and I was just getting so overwhelmed with it, I ended up turning the podcast loose and it has been archived. Don't get me wrong Reality Teas, Billy and Larry were great through all the things and they were right I had to do what makes me happy.  Anyways on top of that I had 2 people I knew, one from softball and the other person I knew from High School which she was a classmate of mine in Home Ech. So this year has had it's up's and down with depression and frustrations to mental health being really bad this year. 

           I am just over with 2020 and with this virus or pandemic, it's really made me to readjust my everyday schedule even for myself and the Staff of ChrisBOnTheWeb. As you know I put our studio on lock down  Anyways I am just ready for 2021 and a fresh start to a new year to be honest as I am just tired of all of this and it's been nothing but one thing after another to be honest. Another thing I would like to mention I have been on and off with the depression since being locked up in the house for the past but I am trying to hang in there to be honest but 2020 really stunk this year. I am just ready for Christmas and the New Year to come and bring in a new year for us. I just cannot wait till I have freedom to roam around the city again and I know that day is going to come. I already spoke about my parents taking me to the mall and I take the bus back but that's much later, I am not ready for that stage yet. I am only taking 5 - 12 minute bus trips for now as I am still very much uncomfortable right now. Anyways I cannot wait till the end of the year and wish it would HURRY UP! lol.

Chris

2 Weeks In Self Isolation!

           It has been 2 weeks since I have been in self isolation and honestly going a little crazy and been sleeping a ton during the day and up the night time working on things so right now I am the complete opposite of what my sleep was when I was out and about and honestly. However when I was up and about what did I do? I worked on the podcast obviously and made sure it was up on time and that has obviously been an issue lately with me getting it up on time. However you guys still get the podcast one way or another but I need to get back on track. Also I have been trying to watch Power Rangers Time Force and going to be working on that today after my 15 - 20 min outing to the bank so I am able to pay my parents for rent or my butt is out the door but I know they wouldn't do that. One thing I do not really have to do is get my bus pass and I need to get in touch with the transit company here to find out where I can get it as things that aren't essential are closed right now due to the virus.  Either way I am still working on things and as I said in Sunday post, I am working on things slowly at a slower pace but I think with me not sleeping well is coming to an end and I will get a more steady sleep. 


              So with that please bare with me through this hard times and I can honestly I haven't been myself,  I have been depressed and just fed up of being at home 24-7. I know it is what we have to do right now and gotta deal with it and try and hang in there but again I have really and am struggling on a daily basis and not sure how much longer my mental health can take it honestly. However everyday I am fighting the mental health and depression and honestly it is one day at a time and I've had headaches cause I'm stressing myself out and just cannot wait till things get back to normal honestly and when is the question as I'm not doing well mentally and nothing I can do to help me cope with being home 24-7. I am going to the cemetery with my dad to take down wreaths  and don't worry I will be safe as I am going to be in the car and there will not be anyone there so I should be OK but having second thoughts going now but my parents understand why I don't wanna go but I have to decide soon what I wanna do. I can stay in the car if I wish and might just do that but again I gotta do what's best for me and my friends told me to go it'll be good for me so I am going to do that and from here on out after that I am back in Isolation and staying in my area. No more long trips.



Chris