This is the hardest blog I have ever written, so much rushing through my mind right now to what to say.... Since more friends wanna turn their backs on me, it has put me into a complete tail spin of a downward spiral, I had one heck of a meltdown and hurt myself pretty bad. Today my mood is kind of somber, I am very quiet, haven't had much to eat just toast and peanut butter and probably wont be eating anything else today. I threw my Contigo cup against the old TV and I'm surprised it didn't crack the freakin screen. I doubt it'd work over the abuse its had recently... Ha ha. I am trying to smile a lot more today but its hard to crack a smile with the recent situation. I've pretty well turned on a group of people who care so much about me and my well being, but at this point I feel like I can't trust certain people, feel like I am unable to trust anyone who is my friend because they will turn on me in a dime. Had that happened this year with 3 people and 2 last year being 2 long friendships that have it's best times and it's worst times. I've been avoiding Facebook this week so far but minimal communication with people, such as people who have IM'd me back to make sure I am ok and also my Staff (My Team) I am keeping direct contact with so I can make sure everything is still going to plan. YES! I am trying to keep things as normal as possible when it comes to the operating of Chris B On The Web. I may be dealing with my Mental Health right now but I still want to get stuff out too as well ON Time and not fall behind like last year. Even if I ended up in the hospital, I probably be behind a few podcasts if I stayed over night or a few days but glad I am home and resting and trying to deal with this on my own terms which I should give props for as I am giving it my will power to try and deal with this on my own and I know I do have the option to walk into the Emergency to the crisis unit to talk to someone if I felt like I am still out of control and I feel out of control in my head still, my head is all over the place right now dealing with this, just not sure where my head is at these days with all the friendships falling apart and I just do not know who my friends are anymore in my real life, I just don't feel like I am wanted on Facebook and close to 100% wanting to delete my Facebook account and give certain friends and family my email to keep in touch, that's it. I got till Sunday as I am taking the week off from the site to decided whether I am returning to Facebook or not. Now mind you I got family on there and high school and college friends, however maybe I need to be careful who I add and trust around my email and Facebook friends list at this point. Yes this is real life friends too I am talking about. Anyways that is the update what is going on with me and why I have been a bit quiet on Twitter and behind the podcasts especially.
Have a great night!
Chris
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